February 19, 2007

Syllogisms for Dummies

At first, when I read Matt Yglesias' explanation that the surge isn't working (not all the bombs have stopped going off), I got a trifle annoyed. I imagine lawyers and doctors get the same sensation: when the talk turns to the military and strategy, the blogosphere is packed with Wellingtons and Sun Tzus, all ready to explain how the military works and what the U.S. should do to achieve its goals. But that's not a bad thing; war is as much art as science, and good ideas are hardly restricted to those of us who have chosen to serve in the military.

Besides, young Matthew has provided a wonderful metric for those of a libertarian bent, like me. Consider:

Social security doesn't work: some old people are still poor.

Welfare programs don't work: some people are still poor.

Medicare doesn't work: some old people don't have access to health care.

Medicaid doesn't work: some poor people don't have acces to health care.

Hell, using Matt's logic, we ought to have the federal government trimmed at least by half in no time. Why do I get the feeling Matty wouldn't agree with that extension of his logic?

A second example of Matt's thinking includes the idea we shouldn't criticize President Carter because he seems to have a rather marked bias against Israel because the Carter Center does many good works and we wouldn't want to undermine that. By that logic, since I think even Matty could agree the U.S. government does many things, doesn't that mean we should refrain from criticizing President Bush since that might undermine people's belief in government?

Posted at 04:34 PM · Humor · Comments (6) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

February 10, 2007

All Latveria Bows Before Me

Your results:
You are Dr. Doom



































Dr. Doom
62%
The Joker
58%
Lex Luthor
57%
Riddler
55%
Apocalypse
50%
Kingpin
47%
Magneto
47%
Juggernaut
46%
Mr. Freeze
44%
Venom
44%
Dark Phoenix
42%
Poison Ivy
40%
Catwoman
31%
Green Goblin
22%
Mystique
22%
Two-Face
10%
Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.


Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz

Hat tip: Pharyngula.

Posted at 10:47 AM · Humor · Comments (3) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

February 07, 2007

At Last, True Bipartisanship

"Wow, Dad. You're really working hard."
"Yes, I gotta work hard, honey. Daddy made a lot of crazy promises."
--Trash of the Titans

As a general rule, when you hear anyone in Washington talking about bipartisanship, what they really mean is they got or want to get some people on the other side to agree with them. But James Joyner has exposed a truly bipartisan issue in Washington: the five day work week.

Political junkies will recall that this was one of the selling points the Democrats used in the 2006 election: the Republican Congress was only working three days a week, and hardworking Democrats were going to have Congress working the same hours as the rest of America. Now that they're actually being forced to occasionally work five days a week, a lot of Democrats are no more fond of the schedule than the Republicans. Thus far, Majority Leader Reid is sticking to his guns, but I'd guess this particular campaign promise is going down in flames sooner rather than later. If that means Congress can do less damage, I've got no heartburn at all with that.

Update: Welcome, Blog Report readers. While you're here, check out the main page, where there are some posts with a bit more heft to them.

Posted at 08:46 AM · Humor • · Politics · Comments (3) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

January 10, 2007

Padde Mamma or Panda Bear

Ever wonder what Emperor Palpatine's reaction to the destruction of the first Death Star was? Well, wonder no more.

Posted at 06:38 AM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

December 24, 2006

The Grim Advance of Time

One sign I've seen of my getting older has been listening to the radio and hearing familiar songs that have been remade by more modern artists, a rather disturbing experience, particularly when they butcher a song I liked when I was younger. Some examples include Bryan Adams "Heaven" by DJ Sammy (when you're made nostalgic for Bryan Adams, you know things are bad), Talk Talk's "It's My Life" by No Doubt (this wasn't horrible, but the original was far superior), Don Henley's "Boys of Summer" by The Ataris and by DJ Sammy (The Ataris is livable, DJ Sammy makes me want to vomit), Genesis' "Land of Confusion" by Disturbed (I can take it or leave it), Berlin's "Take My Breath Away" by Jessica Simpson (Simpson does her best, but her voice can't compare with Terri Nunn's), The Cure's "Lovesong" by 311 (some things are just wrong, this is one of them), Roxette's "Listen to your Heart" by D.H.T. (I had to change the station), Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach" by Kelly Osbourne (given her parentage, an interesting choice of songs) and Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" by INOJ (meh). And I know there's lots more out there to remind me of my misspent youth, when the music scene burned brightest (yes, I like 80s music...so?).

But nothing could have prepared me for this.

Hat tip: Josh Marshall.

Posted at 10:11 AM · Humor · Comments (5) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

December 02, 2006

There Goes My VRWC Membership Card

Your 'Do You Want the Terrorists to Win' Score: 87%

You are a terrorist-loving, Bush-bashing, "blame America first"-crowd traitor. You are in league with evil-doers who hate our freedoms. By all counts you are a liberal, and as such cleary desire the terrorists to succeed and impose their harsh theocratic restrictions on us all. You are fit to be hung for treason! Luckily George Bush is tapping your internet connection and is now aware of your thought-crime. Have a nice day.... in Guantanamo!

Do You Want the Terrorists to Win?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

While my relatively high score doesn't surprise me, I am shocked that I scored higher than Radley Balko.

Posted at 12:19 PM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

November 28, 2006

Got It In One, Mr. Garibaldi

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Northeast

Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.

Philadelphia
The Inland North
The Midland
Boston
The South
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes

While I was born in Maine and grew up in Massachusetts, I learned to speak in New Jersey, and it would appear I have yet to shake that.

Posted at 12:37 PM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

November 02, 2006

God Save the Queen

Much as I love the U.S. Army, I have a great deal of respect for the British Army. When I was stationed in Korea, I had the distinct privilege of enjoying the last linkup between elements of the British Army in Hong Kong and my unit, 1-72 Armor. The British came up to see us every year because the 72d Armored Regiment has an important link with the British Army.

During the Korean War, the 1st Battalion, Gloucestershire Regiment was cut off during the Battle of the Imjin River. For three desperate days they held Gloster Hill against four Chinese divisions. At 0600 on 25 April, 1951, Lieutenant Colonel Carne gave the order for what remained of his battalion to attempt to break out. Three companies were captured attempting to escape. D Company, Captain Mike Harvey, commanding, broke out by initially going north before turning south, and hit the U.S. lines where the 72d Armor Regiment was positioned. The Americans opened fire, believing them to be Chinese wounding at least seven British soldiers and possibly killing some, although the British never told the horrified Americans, who quickly realized their mistake and pulled the Brits into friendly lines.

Unlike the American Army, where units change names and nomenclature more often than Madonna changes personas, the British Army is a big believer in tradition. Because the Gloucestershire Regiment remembers what the 72d Armor Regiment did in Korea, representatives of the British Army would come up for a few weeks to spend time with the current incarnation of the 72d: 1-72 Armor at Camp Casey, Korea. Because the British turned Hong Kong back to China in 1997, their visit in summer 1997 was to be their last, and I was fortunate enough to spend several days with some of my British counterparts, visiting some battlefields, going to formal dinners, and showing them some of our training.

One thing I remember most vividly about that visit is eating dinner with a British Major in the dining facility at the Multi-Purpose Range Complex. I was a Captain at the time and, as is American custom, I called him 'Sir' when I spoke to him. After about three or four rounds of this he paused, and told me, "Andy, in the British Army, officers refer to each other by first name when not in a formal setting." For the rest of the time he was there, he was Paul. It's a small thing, but it was an interesting look into the different culture of the British Army.

In the U.S. Army, the culture is very formal and directive. I would never call a senior officer by his first name, and I would not react well if a junior officer called me by my first name. In our Army, it's just not done. By that same token, we can get ourselves into all kinds of trouble by disregarding any of the numerous rules laid down by the leadership in an attempt to maximize safety: wearing helmets almost all the time, body armor use, and so on.

But trying to explain in words just doesn't get the message across. But when I saw this video, it all came together. That performance is by a British Army unit in a FOB on the Al Faw peninsula. It's obvious it was done with the full knowledge of the leadership. If an American unit did that, it would take a miracle for them not to get court-martialed. (Yes, that's an exaggeration. But not a huge one.) And it would be a tragedy if that video hadn't been made, because it's hilarious. Sometimes I think the Army would do well to adopt a few British attitudes.

(For those curious about the video, it's a parody of this one. More history here.

Posted at 09:28 PM · Humor • · Military · Comments (5) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

October 31, 2006

Today's Question for Which There Is No Good Answer

Which Supreme Court Justice went on a nude cruise?

Posted at 06:03 PM · Humor · Comments (7) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

June 27, 2006

I Suppose It Could Have Been Worse

Your results:
You are Superman

























Superman
0%
Spider-Man
0%
Batman
0%
Supergirl
0%
Wonder Woman
0%
Robin
0%
Hulk
0%
The Flash
0%
Green Lantern
0%
Catwoman
0%
Iron Man
0%
You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.


Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Sure doesn't sound like the me I know, though.

Hat tip: Andrew Sullivan.

Posted at 11:58 AM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

April 17, 2006

How Embarassing








English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 86% Expert!
You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!


For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.








My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:



















free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 55% on Beginner





free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 33% on Intermediate





free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 64% on Advanced





free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 57% on Expert
Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Only 86%? Ugh.

Hat tip: Captain's Quarters.

Posted at 05:45 PM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

March 07, 2006

So True

You Are Boston
Both modern and old school, you never forget your roots.
Well educated and a little snobby, you demand the best.
And quite frankly, you think you are the best.

Famous people from the Boston area: Conan O'Brien, Ben Affleck, New Kids on the Block
What American City Are You?

Posted at 04:24 PM · Humor · Comments (4) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

March 04, 2006

Someone Else Who Needs a Life Outside Politics

In our ongoing series highlighting people who need to lighten up, we present Michael Kalin, a 2005 graduate of Harvard College who explains Why Jon Stewart Isn't Funny.

Shorter version: Stewart makes people laugh at politics and politicians, which makes intelligent people less likely to go into politics. (Bug, or feature? You decide.) Kalin sees this as a bad thing, because it hurts the Democrats. This makes little sense to me, since I have it on good authority that the Democrats have run super-geniuses for President the last two elections and lost to a man who needs Karl Rove to wipe the drool from his upper lip, so the idea intelligence is a plus in politics seems like a questionable concept if one subscribes to Democratic preconceptions.

Here we have a man who is worried that Jon Stewart is dragging the country down because he's keeping good people from going into (Democratic) politics. Perhaps I'm just a bit too nuanced to understand that argument, but it seems to me that when your life revolves around politics to such a degree that you believe a late-night talk show host is a significant factor in your party's electoral chances, maybe it's time to get another hobby.

Posted at 09:19 AM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

May 28, 2005

This Seems Unlikely

HASH(0x8a1e508)
Teal is your Lightsaber's color.

The color Teal signifies trustworthiness, devotion
and healing. It is also the indication of a
spiritual guide and natural teacher.


What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

via a small victory.

Posted at 09:30 AM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

February 26, 2005

Well Played

My hat is off to Kerry Konrad, who took advantage of an eBay auction offering the opportunity to pay for the privilege of naming the Fleet Center to offer up 'The Derek Jeter Center' in exchange for his winning bid. Naturally, the bid was turned down, but that was a beautiful move by a Yankees fan. You've got to respect a fan with a sense of humor.

Posted at 02:44 PM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

January 12, 2005

But Where's Peter Lorre?

It's one thing to be funny. But this goes far beyond funny. Iowahawk has created a work of art. Just read and enjoy. Update: Click this sentence for the story if you couldn't see the link above.

Posted at 04:06 PM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

December 06, 2004

Springfield's Voters

Via Moira Breen I found this amusing piece discussing how many residents of Springfield, the home of television's The Simpsons, might have voted in the 2004 election. It's quite amusing, although it's clear the author isn't quite as familiar with the Simpsons as he needs to be to make the calls; as Moira notes, we know that Krusty is a Republican, for example. But it's still worth a read. To address the early question of the article, the location of Springfield is actually pretty obvious if you're familiar with the show. We know it's on a coast. We also know that they live someplace close to where you can find Saguaro cactus. Those two facts are sufficient to place Springfield in southern California, probably somewhere between San Diego and Los Angeles.

Posted at 01:02 AM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

November 09, 2004

Shout It From the Rooftops

Stacy made this for knuckleheads who are trying to get people to justify their votes in last week's election, but I think it really has a much wider application than that.

Posted at 02:47 PM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

November 07, 2004

A Grand Tradition

Tim Blair notes a surge of American interest in emigration to Australia, Canada, and New Zealand. He includes this amusing quote, "The Australian Consulate says, 'Americans are funny. They don't get their own way, so they want to move.'" To quote Fat Tony, it's funny because it's true. How does he think we became Americans in the first place? Because ten or fifty or two hundred years ago we or our ancestors didn't like something about where we were living at the time, so we picked up and left. It is, indeed, our great strength as a nation. Old Europe is populated by the descendants of people who were afraid to go someplace new. America is populated by the descendants of people who were willing to roll the dice and risk their lives for the chance at something better. American Democrats are simply following in that grand tradition. Though I'd hate to see them mess up Australia as badly as they have California. (Just teasing, guys.)

Posted at 09:29 PM · Humor · Comments (2) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

August 26, 2004

Sell Your Amazon Stock

I'm browsing around the Internet seeking ideas for a good anniversary gift for Amanda (we celebrate our seventh in October), and I hit Amazon's gift finder. And what is the #1 Editor's Pick in gifts for her? The South Beach Diet. Yes, that's an excellent idea. Get your wife or significant other the gift that says hey, you're fat. Why not throw in a gift certificate to a local divorce lawyer while you're at it? I'm suddenly a lot less convinced about this whole 'new economy' thing.

Posted at 12:37 PM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

July 15, 2004

The Horror

Avert your eyes and cover your ears, as Ben Shapiro has decided that it is his bounden duty to inform us all what the U.S. would look like if Kerry is elected. All manner of horrors will, according to Shapiro, be our fate if we are foolish enough to elect John Kerry, from gay marriage to higher taxes and more terrorist attacks. I didn't see anything in there about cats and dogs living together, but I'm pretty confident any of that will be Kerry's fault, too. Let's be very clear: I can't stand John Kerry, and while I'm not sure if I'll vote for Bush, I'm not going to vote for Kerry. But the world is not going to come to an end if John Kerry is the next President of the United States. He will do some good things, he will do some bad things, and the world will go on. Jeremiads about the disasters we will face in a Kerry presidency may be a great way to preach to the choir, but otherwise they're just great fodder for laughs, as Shapiro's piece simply begs to be Fisked. Any takers?

Posted at 03:26 PM · Humor · Comments (4) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

Color Follies

Slate has a quiz that is supposed to determine if you are culturally more in tune with the Red States or the Blue States. I ended up leaning Red State, although I think that's more a fluke of the quiz than anything else. On the other hand, I have been living in Red States for most of my adult life, so perhaps they're onto something. Or, more likely, they're not, but it's an amusing quiz nonetheless.

Posted at 09:22 AM · Humor · Comments (5) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

July 08, 2004

Heh

As Michele said, finally a quiz that really understands me. (Though I'm not sure I buy the emotional quotient.) Wackiness: 18/100 Rationality: 32/100 Constructiveness: 30/100 Leadership: 36/100 You are an SEDF--Sober Emotional Destructive Follower. This makes you an evil genius. You are extremely focused and difficult to distract from your tasks. With luck, you have learned to channel your energies into improving your intellect, rather than destroying the weak and unsuspecting. Your friends may find you remote and a hard nut to crack. Few of your peers know you very well--even those you have known a long time--because you have expert control of the face you put forth to the world. You prefer to observe, calculate, discern and decide. Your decisions are final, and your desire to be right is impenetrable. You are not to be messed with. You may explode.

Posted at 08:05 PM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (1)

Andrew Olmsted

May 31, 2004

Poetry

Which poem are you?

Sonnet 17 by Pablo Neruda

Aw, you're a romantic. You believe in true love and all that sort of stuff. How cute are you? To you, love is incredible and amazing.

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.
That certainly wouldn't have been my first choice. Personally, I'm more partial to "If" by Kipling, "In Flanders Fields" by John McCrae, and "Ulysses" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Hat tip: Susanna Cornett.

Posted at 04:09 PM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

April 01, 2004

Reparations I Can Support

Jean-Bertrand Aristide, former Haitian President, is suing unnamed U.S. and French officials for kidnapping him. Aristide claims he was forcibly removed from power by France and the United States. Seems to me that the only fair thing to do here is give him a ticket back to Port-au-Prince, right? Hat tip: Best of the Web.

Posted at 02:38 PM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

March 22, 2004

Perspectives

Having just reread my piece on Social Security and the need to fix it sooner rather than later, I'm forced to wonder if those who support the Kyoto Treaty see the irony: we both see an impending disaster and want to do something about it now rather than later. There are major differences regarding the scope of the problems and the proposed solutions, of course, but there seems to be a marked similarity in outlook nonetheless. For all our differences, it appears that we're probably as alike as we are different. Clearly I need to rethink my position on Social Security reform. ;)

Posted at 01:05 PM · Humor · Comments (3) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

March 07, 2004

Libertarian Purity

Well, I guess that's one more label that won't fit me very well. Via the Corner I checked out this Libertarian Purity Test and scored a 49, "Your libertarian credentials are obvious. Doubtlessly you will become more extreme as time goes on." The test certainly does offer some interesting questions, though.

Posted at 08:24 AM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

February 22, 2004

Bush-Kerry I

Don't miss the transcript from the very first Bush-Kerry debate on Vietnam. It was short, but what it lacked in length in made up for in accuracy. Enjoy.

Posted at 05:58 PM · Humor · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

February 14, 2004

Fun with Computers

Someone with way too much time on their hands has come up with the Guess The Dictator/Sit-Com Character game. It's basically 20 questions: you think of a dictator or sit-com character and the program asks you yes/no questions until it thinks it knows who you are. I tried every obscure sitcom character I could think of, and it nailed them all. Quite entertaining. Hat tip: Hawspipe.

Posted at 03:51 PM · Humor · Comments (8) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

January 19, 2004

Sound Bite of the Year

I just listened to some of John Edwards' speech celebrating his second-place finish in Iowa, and he started going on about 'saying no to kids in poverty and saying no to kids going hungry.' John Edwards: Say no to kids. Now that's a politician willing to take an unpopular stand; I respect that.

Posted at 08:38 PM · Humor · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

January 14, 2004

Truth in Advertising

Blackfive demonstrates that a picture is truly worth a thousand words. Hat tip: Instapundit.

Posted at 12:59 PM · Humor · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

January 08, 2004

Tell Me What You Really Think

Some people just can't say anything without beating around the bush (no pun intended).

Posted at 04:55 PM · Humor · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

January 06, 2004

Mordor's Best Hope

If only Sauron had been able to call on Jimmy Carter during the War of the Ring, imagine what Middle-earth could have become. Hat tip: Heather Sims.

Posted at 08:16 AM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

January 03, 2004

UN-Approved Satire

OK, this probably wouldn't be approved by the UN, but that's only because they don't have a sense of humor. For the rest of us, Sgt. Stryker's notional Hardball interview with Democratic Presidential candidate Wes Clark is too funny to miss. Hat tip: Donald Sensing.

Posted at 09:19 PM · Humor · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

December 27, 2003

A Letter From the Fringe

Please note: this letter is not remotely representative of either the Left or people who opposed the Iraq war. It's just an amusing glimpse into one of the strange people who populate every corner of the political spectrum.

Posted at 10:03 PM · Humor · Comments (6) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

December 25, 2003

Notable Quotes

Tim Blair has assembled a list of quotes from 2003, starting from January and continuing to December. It's quite a collection, and worth taking the time to review to note some of the more amusing bon mots of 2003.

Posted at 07:33 PM · Humor · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

December 18, 2003

Tautology of the Day

But well worth reading, nonetheless.

Posted at 09:40 PM · Humor · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

December 05, 2003

Bobbing for Candidates

There's something in the human condition that seems to make it almost impossible not to try these silly internet quizzes, and this one is no exception. This purports to tell you which candidate supports more of your preferred positions. The Results: 1. Your ideal theoretical candidate. (100%) 2. Libertarian Candidate (76%) 3. Bush, President George W. - Republican (70%) 4. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (34%) 5. Gephardt, Rep. Dick, MO - Democrat (33%) 6. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (31%) 7. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (28%) 8. Kucinich, Rep. Dennis, OH - Democrat (26%) 9. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (25%) 10. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (21%) 11. Clark, Retired General Wesley K., AR - Democrat (14%) 12. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (12%) 13. Lieberman, Senator Joe, CT - Democrat (9%) 14. Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol, IL - Democrat (7%) Not much help there. I was a little surprised to see President Bush finish so far in front of all of the Democrats, but given that the Democrat I'd be most likely to support (Joe Lieberman) finished behind Lyndon LaRouche, it's hard to take this very seriously. Moderate entertainment value, but not much else. Hat tip: Amygdala.

Posted at 09:23 PM · Humor · Comments (3) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

Life Imitates the Movies

In the fine film A Few Good Men, Tom Cruise plays a military defense lawyer. In a minor establishing scene, One of his clients is being threatened with prosecution for possession of marijuana. Only one problem: the herb the sailor bought and smoked was oregano. When the prosecutor warns Cruise that he will have to charge his client, Cruise asks what he's going to charge him with? Possession of a condiment? Eventually the two plea bargain the case out, and all is well. Unfortunately, it appears the school board in Conyers, Georgia, has failed to learn from Cruise's example. Three students have been accused of violating the state's Controlled Substances Act for possessing a plastic bag filled with parsley. Apparently, in Georgia, you can be prosecuted for possession of a counterfeit substance, meaning I'd best leave my spice rack behind if I ever (God forbid) find myself in Georgia. Is there a better example of the lunacy of the so-called drug war than three students being suspended (and who, exactly, does that punish?) for possession of parsley? Hat tip: Best of the Web.

Posted at 01:58 PM · Humor · Comments (4) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

November 08, 2003

Author, Author

Robert Heinlein
Robert Heinlein wrote you - your stranger in a
strange land, you.

Which Author's Fiction are You?
brought to you by Quizilla If only I could write like he did...

Posted at 08:23 PM · Humor · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

September 08, 2003

No Surprise...but Still Pretty Cool

Starship Troopers
You belong in Starship Troopers. Your idea of a
good time is bouncing across an alien
battlefield blasting the foes of humanity into
extinction.


Which Heinlein Book Should You Have Been A Character In?
brought to you by Quizilla

I've yet to find a Heinlein novel I haven't enjoyed, but there's no question Starship Troopers has always been my favorite. Although the blasting bugs part never really was my favorite part...

Posted at 09:35 PM · Humor · Comments (6) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

May 21, 2003

Mail Flavors

My mailman must be really curious about our politics. Today I received a survey/request for funds from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee and a dire warning/request for funds from the Second Amendment Foundation. No libertarian junk mail today, though.

UPDATE: Ironically, as I was posting this, I received a Libertarian Party email.

Posted at 06:54 PM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

May 08, 2003

Attention Deficit Disorder

As anyone who's ever owned a dog knows, dogs have difficulty telling the difference between positive attention and negative attention. A dog just wants attention, no matter what it has to do to get it. If the dog can't get attention for doing good things, sooner or later it will do something outrageous just to get the attention it wants.

Posted at 10:34 PM · Humor · Comments (2) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

May 07, 2003

No Surprise Here


United States Of America -
The most well-renowned country in modern day times.
The militaristic superpower, the United States
of America are also known as the bossiest
nation.


Positives:

Known Worldwide.

A Beacon to Others.

Powerful.

Fast Food.

Negatives:

Bossy.

Despised by Most Others.

Elitest.

Which Country of the World are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

Posted at 07:23 PM · Humor · Comments (2) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

March 28, 2003

The Real Anthrax Problem

I've discovered the real reason soldiers refuse to take the anthrax vaccine. First of all, it's a five or six shot ordeal spread over a year, with annual boosters required after you've made it through the first year. Second, and more importantly, the shot burns like nobody's business. The injection itself is no big deal. It's not until about five minutes later that you suddenly realize the medic has injected you with a small, white-hot coal that is now smouldering under your skin. Only four more shots to go.

Posted at 04:54 PM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

March 24, 2003

Buy A Gun For Michael Day

Aaron suggests April 15th as the day to buy a gun to infuriate Michael Moore. If you're thinking about purchasing a weapon anyhow, why not make it the 15th? For Mikey.

Posted at 08:51 PM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

January 16, 2003

Perception and Reality

I inadvertently conducted a fascinating little experiment today. As part of my job, I'm required to conduct 'business lunches,' which involve bringing in food for a local business and handing out my business cards to the people who attend, in the hopes some of them will actually provide some business.

Today I brought in pizza. Among the pizzas were two supremes and a vegetarian pizza. As we were laying the pizzas out, a supreme pizza was inadvertently identified as a vegetarian pizza. When the lunch was over, that pizza had not been touched. But the actual vegetarian pizza, having never been identified as such, was completely gone. The participants had studiously avoided a pizza labeled as vegetarian, but had gone back for seconds from the actual vegetarian pizza. I'm not a vegetarian myself, but I found this reaction quite amusing...perhaps next time I just won't mention there is a vegetarian pizza, and see if it is again as popular.

Isn't it interesting, though, how perception can alter reality? The people at the lunch, like most Americans, aren't vegetarians. Many of them may, in fact, harbor certain suspicions or doubts about vegetarians and the vegetarian lifestyle. When confronted with a vegetarian meal, they studiously avoided it. Yet they ended up blissfully chowing down on a meal that they didn't know was vegetarian, it being the only pizza to be completely consumed.

Posted at 09:54 PM · Humor · Comments (7) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

January 03, 2003

The Two Towers, Cliff's Notes Edition

If you've already seen "The Two Towers," you'll love this condensed version. If not, read it and you'll have a pretty good feel for the movie. Enjoy.

Posted at 08:54 PM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

November 26, 2002

Hu's On First?

Too funny not to note.

Posted at 08:49 PM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted

November 11, 2002

No Surprises Here





you have an ominosity quotient of

six.


you are really ominous.


href="http://www.likeisaid.com/ominosityquiz.html">
find out your ominosity quotient
.

Posted at 09:32 AM · Humor · Comments (0) · TrackBack (0)

Andrew Olmsted